The reason I go into such detail is because if you respond to that question with, "English," someone will undoubtedly reply with, "Oh, so you want to be a teacher. Well, that's good." No, I do not want to be a teacher. Well, not a school teacher. I want to teach in the broader sense of enlightening others, taking an open mind and dropping in something new to ponder. I do NOT want to teach "A noun is...." No, there are much bigger and better things to know and think about than what a noun is (sorry, Dr. Stavick, grammar is not life - but it is fun...) or what the sum of any numbers are.
I want to write for a living. Of course, finding a job in writing is difficut. So, for the time being, I'm trying to find anything that will allow me to communicate and lead people. God has given me a lot of gifts (He has given ALL of us gifts!) and I want to be a good steward of those gifts. I want to shine God's love. That phrase, "shine God's love," is used frequently, but what does it mean, I wonder?
The David Crowder Band has recently come out with a new album, titled Church Music, and there is a song on it that has truly captivated me - it's the title of this posting. "SMS (Shine)" is truly a beautiful song that is as intimate as any prayer, as real as a breathing, beating, broken body, and as uplifting as a few rays of sunlight filtering through the dark clouds.
Slowly process the lyrics:
(Verse 1)
Send me a sign
A hint, O whisper
Fill me with life
'Cause I am listening
---
Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light'
Cause I am fading
---
Surround me with the rush of angels' wings
---
(Chorus 1)
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?
---
(Verse 2)
You sent a sign
The hint, O whisper
Human, divine
Everyone is listening
---
Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring
---
All around the rush of angels
(Repeat Chorus 1)
---
(Bridge)
O the wonder of the greatest love has come
---
(Chorus 2)
Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome
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I especially love how the song/prayer turns from being about me, to being about Him. How wonderful, insightful, intimate, warming, smile-inducing, thought provoking, and overwhelming it is. Hmm... Overwhleming. It's a word quite frequently and commonly used, but how often is it authentically used, though?
Well, most people exaggerate simply because, well, that's what every - single - person does. See, even I do it! But to be truly overwhelmed, to truly let your emotions flow freely and uncontrolled occurs as often as a shooting star - still beautiful, especially because of it's rarity. When were you last overwhelmed? I started writing this post about a month ago, and then 'set it down.' Coming back to it now, rereading what I wrote, especially the lyrics, and thinking about some recent events, being overwhelmed is even more beautiful. Reminiscing my overwhelming moments brings a smile to my face.
In the moment, though, is quite different. In my experiences, being overwhelmed is almost painful because it all happens so fast. The events and your emotions battle for control, until the events win and your emotions break free. It's refreshing to feel that way, yet most people move away from that sort of intensity. It makes me wonder... Is there a pattern to these overwhelming moments? I think so. When I'm most connected with something, I lose emotional control.
For example, when I'm most connected to God (either through music or a message or praying for a whole flock of birds to fly by - and actually seeing that) I can't help but let the tears come as they may. Lately, when I'm exercising, I yell and scream and push myself, and it's overwhelming because I feel so relieved afterwards. My intensity was an overflow of my desire for a better body. By the way, my journey can be followed on my fitness blog at http://aneveils.wordpress.com/.
So, is this where that feeling is located? My innermost desire to be close to God comes out when my heart feels that closeness, or when that desire is at its strongest (sometimes both). So we must pursue those moments because, honestly, that's when we all feel most alive.
I want that hint, o'whisper. I want just the smallest sign, because then I feel alive, and I know He's there. More importantly, because ultimately it's not about me, it's about Him. If we are all created in His image, then wouldn't it make sense that God also desires that overwhelming feeling of being close to us?
Hmmm... I love writing into wonderful, overwhelming ideas like that.
...lovelove...
Next came Halloween, and Whitney and I went to a party dressed as a baseball player (me) and as Baker Bakerstone from Bakersville (Whitney). We really did have a great time, eating dinner and playing games. We actually do have a few pictures from this, but here's only one:
After Halloween came MY birthday! November 23rd is the date to remember. Whitney had to throw a party about 1.5 weeks early so that I wouldn't figure it out; it was a complete surprise! We had so much eating some awesome treats that Whitney made, playing Mad Gab, and then playing the Wii. The Sunday before my birthday, my mom, Whitney, and I were just hangin' around my house when they suggested we watch August Rush (one of my favorite movies) and towards the end I decided to bust open my guitar case so I could make a bunch of noise on my three strings (it was in pretty bad shape). Low and behold, it had been restrung and some of the tuning pegs had been replaced! I could now make a lot more noise!
Then Whitney gave me her gift on my actual birthday: a gift certificate for a couple of guitar lessons (so I can play more noise, but just a bit better).