Hmmm......

So tonight I had the opportunity to give the devotion at Castle Christian Church, a church that my mom serves the youth at on Wednesday nights. Every other Wednesday they have what is called "Poolside Devotions." By the way, it is a mix of horomone strung middle and high schoolers.

These kids, with their judgemental moods, were wishing me to go away with their eyes so they could go back to swimming. As I was encrouching the 10 minute mark (I was told to go for about 15), I decided to end it. My whole heart was not in it. I knew it. They probably knew it too. I knew about 7 of the kids there, and the rest stared me like I used to stare at all of my boring professors.

I was talking about Grace and how His grace is enough *Ref. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10* I defined grace for them (undeserved merit or favor from God). But I could still see the carelessness in many of their eyes. So I cut off the next few parts of the message and asked a girl to close in prayer. I felt terrible, even though many of the students thanked me.

I had no confidence in my message. I went their full of it. I was bursting with confidence! Then I arrived and I saw what I was going to be working against - students who would rather go behind the barn to makeout than listen to me talk about something for more sustaining and beautiful than a mere mortal kiss. I felt terrible.

All in all, I came to realize that even though I was speaking about something extremely important, I did not command the confidence in the grace I spoke so highly of. I did convey the significance in the soul-saving power of His sufficient grace. I spoke about those things, but my body language, tone, and my speed seemed to imply the obligation of speaking rather than the joy of it.

I learned a lesson. First of all, for all those hopeful that I will shut up - I won't. I will still speak and engage in a dynamic relationship with people about His grace and about His love. Secondly, I will be more prepared and practice my perception. By this I mean that I must connect with the audience with more than just a story, I must do so with my body and my tone. I need to better consider my audience as well.

I think that working with kindergarteners has also hindered my performance (though minutely). I almost started talking to these students the way I do with the kids at church. Using the silly jokes or the techniques to get attention. I caught myself in the middle of a story. I got distracted instead of staying focused. I needed to offer a bit more stimulus for these students.

So all in all it was a mediocre experience, though I learned from it. I had prayed beforehand that God would use the message to touch someone, even if I'm not able to see the results or if I do not fully communicate the message properly. I told Him it was His will.

I still believe someone's heart heard the message.

That's all that matters.

That's faith.

---AN